the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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