I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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