i already hear my dad disowning me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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