I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
