do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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