he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
