I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
