i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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