you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
