jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize