my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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