My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
birth control should be required to get into college
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
