Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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