he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
