You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
