The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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