He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He shit in the fireplace
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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