There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
