She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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