I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
