she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize