tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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