my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
