No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
