Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
