genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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