I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
