His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
third nipple confirmed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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