She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
