i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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