Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
