I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
