It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
