Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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