yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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