Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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