Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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