There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
NoShamevember. You game?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
