I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
