I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
