I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
