I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize