Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
