I could have mohawked her pubes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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