If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
