You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
