if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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