My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize