He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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