We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
