i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize