I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
