he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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