I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
