Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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