I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
