shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
