I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
