Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
