More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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