I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
