how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
