even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
