Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
