he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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