You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
