C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
