the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
