Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
