remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
