Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
