I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
