boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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