Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
