You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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