first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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