so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
