im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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