It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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