can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
