Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
