My first STD was from a foam party
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
