Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize