Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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