Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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