Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
