I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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