Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
