laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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