There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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