Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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