I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
