You really coming over, don't trick.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
