don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
