what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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