atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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