the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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