Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
